11: The Fountain

The rest of the dinner progressed more calmly. I picked at the roasted rabbit and forced myself to chew and eat the whole portion. I wasn’t shy about the idea of eating animals; I was a farmer’s daughter, after all. Eating, in general, had just been hard. It just didn’t seem necessary in this great waiting game. I tried to abide Orthus, though. He was King- even if he wasn’t mine. He was my ticket home. I chewed lazily, waiting for my chance to ask Orthus more about the preparations for my journey across the veil. I wanted to speak with him alone. Eventually, a slightly drunk Nelo made her exit from the table.

“Until tomorrow, friends and enemies.” She eyed Vas with a wink when she said enemies. Those two could go from hating each other to being playful so quickly it gave me whiplash. I wondered if that’s what it would be like to have a brother. I knew my family was gone, but maybe I could make my own when I returned to Aylesbury. I could choose who I surrounded myself with—If I survived killing the beast. I didn’t know how to do it, but I knew I would die trying. I promise. I thought, thinking of my parent’s faces. Vas and Orthus had finished eating a while ago, but I believe they stayed at the table for my benefit, waiting for me to excuse myself to my rooms as Nelo had. To leave them and try and sleep this month away as I had every other night. I needed to speak to the Summer king, and I needed to grasp my escape plan better.

I looked back up towards Vas and caught him looking at me. He quickly lowered his lashes back to an empty plate and feigned playing with some remnants of his dinner. Vas, the crown prince of assholes, creep of summer, wasn’t sly. I cleared my throat and spoke to him directly.

“Vas, I need to speak with the King. Could you give us a bit of privacy…” I struggled with the next word. “Please.” The cocky fae scoffed incredulously and knitted his brows.

“I’m staying. Anything you say to Orthus is good enough for my ears, is it not, brother?” He turned towards Orthus, seeking his approval.

“Vas, it’s fine. Just leave us for a moment.” His tone was soft. Orthus knew how to handle Vasileios the best out of anyone in the estate. I expected him to comply with his king. To my surprise, and I’m sure the kings, he didn’t.

“No. She’s just a fucking human, and I outrank her as master-at-arms—I’m staying right here.” Vas slammed a balled-up fist on the table in defiance, but I knew it was a simple hissy fit.

“Fine, brother, enjoy your night then.” The king stood and turned towards me, extending his pale hands, glowing from the moonlight that poured into the dining room windows from the clear night sky that seemed standard here in Summer. I hadn’t seen a less-than-perfect day since I arrived. I placed my palm in his and rose from the table. “Come, Cordelia, we’ll go take some night air, and we can speak privately.” I followed the king out of the dining room. My soul felt Vas’s eyes boreholes in our backs. I bit my lip to stifle a small defiant laugh that built in my chest. Vasileios had become the bane of my existence. I wanted nothing to do with the arrogant fae and would never understand how my very presence could trigger him so.

Orthus led me out the front door and down the broad marble steps at the front of the estate. I hadn’t been here since Nelo carried me in. In the haze of my head injury, I must not have seen the glorious fountain set to the side of the entrance. Sirens and fish carved from stone spouted water into a fountain so large I could have swam in it. Orthus led me to the fountain’s edge and motioned for me to have a seat. As I did, he spoke in his calm breathy voice.

Illustrations by Ana Kajaia

“I’m sorry about my brother. Just know he’s not as cruel as he seems.” I looked into his sapphire blue eyes and laughed.

“He’s a bit of a bully,” I told the king.

“Well, if it makes you feel safer here, I know he won’t hurt you.”

“Can you be so sure?” I asked him, thinking of our close and heated arguments from earlier.

“I gave you my word, and no one will harm you here. If he defies me…I will kill him.” The words that spilled from this beautiful fae male’s lips took a moment to register in my mind.

“You would kill your own brother?” I gaped. Indeed this was a jest.

“There are consequences for any of my subjects who defy my orders, family or not. Being king—It’s a responsibility I cannot take lightly. My word is law, and my sword will be the justice if it’s required.” There was no lightness in his tone; he was earnest. Kill for me? I was a stranger. I gulped nervously. I felt too close to his giant form and moved a bit further away.  Orthus moved his hand to my thigh and tilted my head up towards his, brushing a strand of my black hair behind my ear.

“I know I’m not as open with my emotions as my brother. Even if you don’t believe me, I know that I will protect you. I will honor my word. ” I stilled and wanted to push his hands away politely but remained as close to him as before.

“Thank you.” I bit my lip and looked at the reflection of the stars in the fountain’s water. I felt strange, and this interaction was out of character for Orthus. Our last private exchanges at the fairy pool had gone incredibly poorly. Did he have feelings for me? I wasn’t sure if it was honor…Or something else. Whatever this was, I would use it to my advantage, though, and I pressed him on plans for my escape. “How are the preparations for my journey home?” I leaned in a bit closer, even though my body begged me to tug away from his form. If I needed to play a part to get home, I would. I took the pale king’s hand from my thigh and clasped it in my own. I could control where it roamed here. I could tell the conversation had taken a turn away from what he might have wanted, but I hoped that keeping the contact between us made it seem like less of a brush-off.

“I’ve been trying to find ways to cross without the price I paid last time.” He looked into the distance. He removed his hand softly from mine. Not where he wanted this conversation to go then. I made a mental note, still skeptical that something like him could be interested in me. “Still looking into a few leads. I want to make sure we can transport you back— safely.”

"What do you mean, still looking into options? I thought all we had to was prepare and wait for the right time?" I kept my voice soft and cloying, even though I wanted to scream and pull at his silky white locks to demand answers.

"The price I paid last time is not one I wish to pay again, but I will keep my promise- I will try and get you home without that cost and protect you until I can get you across the veil safely." He would…try? What was this bullshit? Deep breaths, Cordelia. I told myself. He knows how to cross the veil again. That’s step one, isn't it?

"Can I—Can I help you try and figure out another way?" I asked, putting on my best helpless human face. He looked towards me and chuckled softly. He likes holding this power over me. Frustration still raged in my chest.

"Well, as long as you can read, I suppose you can help me search some of the libraries for alternate routes? Would you like that, Cordelia?" He let my name slide softly from his lips. I smiled sweetly, but Vasileios’s words hummed in the margins of my mind. Orthus has a new human to dote on. God, was I giving that asshole credit? Even a broken clock was right twice a day, I supposed. I was nothing more than a pet, a replacement for this scorned king's lover.

"I can do that, I can read, I'm not a complete waste of space." I laughed, not believing the statement I had made to him. I felt like a waste of space here, and I had done nothing but waste time since arriving.

"I wouldn't say you're all bad. I want some help, I think." He paused to look at me again, a look that I knew wasn't just a friendly glance. I wasn't sure how long his human had been gone or which one of them had caused this rift. I could use a powerful ally until I could get home. I would suffer the longing glances my way as a means to an end. I could push this frustration and rage down to the pits of my stomach a bit longer.

"Well, I guess it's a date then." I feigned a flirty bashful look. He looked over at me dubiously, and I thought he might see through my act for a moment. I was never good at hiding my disappointment, but I would try to get my revenge.

"A date." Orthus responded. "I'd like that very much." He leaned back towards me and looked up at the night sky, his body heavy and warm. I hated that I didn't hate the way it felt. The only human touch, well touch, I had received since... since this whole ordeal started had been from and to Vasileios. He was the closest thing to an enemy I'd ever had. Caleb seemed like a distant memory at this point. I felt like Vas deserved every bit of spite that I could dole out. I gave in to the warmth of the king and leaned my head against his breast. My mother's words drifted into my mind.

You can find comfort in temporary places.

I wouldn't be here forever. Orthus was kind, so unlike his brother, and I could allow myself a temporary spot of brightness, couldn't I? I paced my breathing with his, and relaxed some of the anxiety in my body. I could use this affection he seemingly placed in me to my benefit and enjoy his touch simultaneously—Couldn’t I? I hated myself for needing this contact.

"I want to trust you, you know,” I whispered. "I know you think I should. Everyone here seems to love you. You speak of honor and responsibility, how a king’s word is as good as law. I should trust, but I don't yet. I'm not from a world that's so black and white. You’re going to have to earn my trust." I tilted back my neck, expecting my gaze to meet his jaw as he had been staring into the brilliant expanse of constellations overhead. Instead, our eyes locked. He looked down at me reverently.

"I can do that. I can prove myself worthy of you." His tone was a matter of fact as if he would do anything to do so. I could see how it would be so simple to fall in love with Orthus as much as I didn’t want to. This fae took an injured human woman under this wing who was trying to help me get home. I couldn’t love him, though, and maybe there was something wrong with me? Maybe I should have just told Caleb I would marry him. Perhaps I should let this fae king use my body in exchange for his protection. Why was I so fucked up that I couldn't take the simple route? I wanted more before with Caleb, and now—Now I  needed revenge. I craved the revenge I would take on that beast. I wanted it so bad that my chest felt like it would split two unless I killed him.

"What was the cost before? How did you cross the veil? Maybe if I know, I could help find another way?" I asked him, then felt his body stiffen underneath me. From his body language, I could tell this topic was off-limits.

"It's not something we can do again, Cordelia." He sighed. "The cost is too great. It requires sacrifice." Okay, so what did we need to sacrifice? Maybe I could do it on my own. I could get this information from him and make plans without this king.

"So what do we sacrifice?” I inquired. He let out a terse laugh.

"A fae, a human, I don't think it matters too much as to the species."

Oh. A living sacrifice, a person. That meant that he had killed someone to get to the mortal realm? Orthus wouldn’t—I couldn't see him doing it.

"Wait—You've done it before. Who was it?" I pushed my body from him, Vasileios might have been an asshole, but his brother was a killer. The king set his jaw, staring at me with intense sadness behind his eyes.

"Circe."

Penelope's dead lover? When she had said that she lost her in the war, I had assumed she had died the casualty of some great battle. I would have never believed she died to transport someone to the mortal realm.

"How...How could you kill her? Penelope loved her. That doesn't seem like you." I searched his face for answers, but he was quiet, as though he was considering how he wanted to answer. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he replied.

"I didn't kill her, and I couldn't do it. I tried. I really did. I lifted the dagger and pressed it to the spot I knew would cause the least pain, to end her quickly. She told me to do it. She chose to sacrifice herself to send... to send her to safety." I thought back on all the cruel things that Vasileios had said about humans. How could Orthus’s exiled lover cause this much damage? "Circe told me it was okay, but I still couldn't press the knife any further than to knick her skin. She put her hands over mine and did it herself. She told me it was okay as she bled out in my arms." Tears threatened to spill from his eyes, but he held them at bay.

"Why would she volunteer herself? She loved Penelope, didn't she?" How could she offer her life in exchange for a human’s safe passage?

"She loved her, that I know without a doubt. I think part of the reason she helped us open the veil was that she loved her so much. The longer she stayed here, the longer the war would continue. She loved the human too. Not in the same way she loved Nelo, but she owed her. She had saved Circe from death, and circe pledged her allegiance to my lover like a knight to a queen. There is no better death for a knight than dying for their lord or lady’s honor." I tried to hide the shock, but as my hand came up to cover my gaping mouth, I realized my ruse wasn't successful.

"Does Penelope know?" Was the only sound I could muster.

"Of course. We’re not monsters.”

How could Penelope hold any kindness in her heart for anyone, let alone me, a human-- the same kind that had killed her lover.

"I will not pay that cost again, you understand. It's dark magic, but it's the only thing that stopped the war. My lover, she was stolen from the Winter king's court. She was a human but a powerful weaver. He wanted her for breeding stock—“ His face turned to one of disgust at the thought. “Her parents happily sold her. I won't blame them. They were starving. It's not easy for your kind here, Cordelia." He ran his open palm down his face and spoke again. "They kept her in a cell next to Circe. I don't know the specifics, but Circe's escape went awry, and somehow, my lover saved her. Circe pledged her fidelity in the forest right outside the Winter prison. Somehow they got all the way here, to Summer. Nelo found them in the same spot she found you. Nearly as bloodied as you were."

I saw you yesterday, looking beaten to a bloody pulp, and her face was right there again…

No wonder Nelo helped me. She saw her lover’s face in me.

"I won't pay that price either." Even if part of me wanted to plunge the knife into Vasileios’s chest, I don't think I could do it. The only thing I wanted to kill was the beast.

"We can figure out something else besides the sacrifice. There were other consequences of that magic I would never make you pay….” He trailed his words and pulled me back into his chest. I wanted to ask about other consequences, but I didn’t want to push my luck. I would be sweet to him, be precious to anyone to get home. “I try not to see them, but there is so much about you that reminds me of her—The good and the bad parts.” I stiffened slightly, unable to control my body’s reaction.

“What was her name? No one ever says it.” I asked him.

“That’s because we can’t. I bound it from my courts’ lips when she didn’t come back.” Oh.

“Maybe I remind you of her because we’re both humans? Both weak and stupid.” I chuckled at my self-deprecating remarks. He pulled my shoulders away from his body quickly and stared me down.

“You are neither, and we both know it. I think you’ve got a better grip on this world than you let on. Don’t think that I do anything but allow you to keep your secrets for a minute. I allow you because your presence is comforting to me. It shouldn’t be, I should hate your kind, but I can’t. I couldn’t stop loving her, even after everything, even after this mess she made of me.” The king was too intense, his grip tightening around me. I twist from his grasp and stand before him. While he’s seated and I stand, our faces are at even levels.

“I’m not her. I just want to go home, Orthus. I like you, but I’ll do what I need to cross the veil again.” My fists are balled at my sides, anxiety coursing through me. I try to be direct but not bristling. I’m not sure if it’s convincing.

“I know you will, which makes you even more like her. I’ll do what I can, Cordelia. I’m not a fool—Your presence here in the court has brought up old wounds for some of us. Vasileios can’t stuff his sadness down like Penelope and me. He’s already damaged, easier to break than us.” Orthus lets out weakly. He stands and motions for me to return with him. “I’ll try my best to remember you are your own woman, Cordelia.” He grabs my hand, and I let him. “I’d still like our date to find a way to get you home. Will you suffer my company tomorrow?” Full of conflicting emotions, I nod in agreement—anything to get home.

I can’t pinpoint his motive—Does he want to help me? Or maybe he wants to fuck me, as Vasileios had joked. Or perhaps he’s just trying to figure out my secrets, secrets he says he’s letting me keep for now. My view on Orthus is ever-changing. He killed Circe. He said she wanted him to. He told Penelope knew and has made her amends for it. The only person that hasn’t, apparently, is Vasileios. Cruel Vasileios—Maybe we are more alike with our passion for revenge. I follow the king, again hand in hand, and am led back into the building that feels every day more and more like a prison. When he opens those golden doors for me, I spy Vasileios on the landing atop the steps. He sends a frustrated glance my way until Orthus closes the door behind me. Vasileios opens the door to his chambers and slams them. He’s already damaged and more easily broken. Maybe he’s not the only broken one here.